There is no magic formula for how to inform children that you are getting a divorce, but this is one of the most important discussions you must have when your marriage is dissolving and there are children involved.
Without love, care and attention, children can quickly become casualties of a divorce; therefore, your responsibility is to ensure that you provide reassurance and comfort during this difficult time.
Here are three things to consider before you inform your children about a divorce.
Assure your children that the divorce is not the result of anything that they did wrong. Children often feel like it’s their fault that parents are breaking up.
That type of guilt can have adverse effects on their emotional and psychological well-being, so you must tell your children that nothing they did caused the divorce.
And you must continue to reinforce this idea as long as it takes for your children to stop blaming themselves for your divorce.
One of the questions children often ask when learning about a divorce is whether their parents hate each other.
Always assure your children that even though you and the other parent could not resolve your problems, you do not hate each other and will continue to work together to be parents.
Bad-mouthing the other parent will only create more conflict, and it will also confuse your children about how to feel about the situation.
It is also important that you allow your children to express their emotions after they learn about your impending divorce.
Whether that means they express anger, disappointment, sadness or confusion, your job is to allow them to communicate those feelings as much as they want.
Remember, you are breaking up a family, and regardless of the reasons why, this is a major disruption in your children’s lives. Give them the opportunity to mourn, to question and to even hate you for a few weeks, which is all part of the healing process.
Even an amicable divorce in which both parties agree on all significant issues can be emotionally difficult for any children that are involved. But in a contested divorce, conflict can create a hostile environment that adversely affects children.
That’s why it’s so important that you express your unconditional love to your children during a divorce, because no matter what happens between you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse, your children should feel as secure and cared for as possible. If you need an experienced divorce lawyer to help you through this difficult time, please contact the Estevez-Pazos Law Firm, P.A. at 305-717-7130 for a free legal consultation.